I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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