If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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