she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
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