New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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