Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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