I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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