Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
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