if only i could text you this smell
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
