Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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