They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
