tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
