i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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