ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
