doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
i now understand why vodka
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
