I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
two words...techno handjob
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
