ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
