an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Randomize
