I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
