Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
