when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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