last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
