somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
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