Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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