I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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