WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
