took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
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