Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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