dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
