So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
you had me at cake vodka
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
