I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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