Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
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