i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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