a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
