my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
