I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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