Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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