i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
