Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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