I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
