Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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