I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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