someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
