dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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