I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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