I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
