I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Your dad touched me again.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
