my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
