Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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