Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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