FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
