It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
