I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
